How to Successfully Fail SelfCare

  1. Drink more coffee. Bonus points if you add dairy/casein/whey. +100 if you add sugar. Lose a turn of you use artificial sweetener. That shit is bad!
  2. Stop going outside, unless you are walking to your car. Vitamin D is evil, and autoimmune disease is good – it must be, look – it is one of the #TopTen causes of death in women and girls under 65!
  3. ALSO, DONT EXERCISE. Moving your body increases cortisol and improves blood glucose utilization by the muscles for all genders. Who wants muscles?

Finally – if you really want to fail a self care, get a good case of insomnia. Its wicked helpful for dealing with everyday life. And I don’t know about you, but I think AWESOME THOUGHTS when I am overtired. It only takes me 4 days to recover from each sleepless night!

And then I get more coffee, yay me! Who needs water anyways?