Tag Archives: queer health

Nonbinary Femme and other Biases

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Coming out, even to myself ,as a nonbinary femme has been harder than I expected. I keep waiting for someone to tell me I somehow dont “qualify.” Hell, I question my self on a regular basis, why would I expect less from anyone else?

Many years ago, in the late 90s in Toronto my soon to be best friend Aimée and I would meet for “femme coffee” once a week and talk about the politics, nuances, and intersections of femme identity. I was somewhere between 21-25 and this was all new to me. Pieces fell into place in my psyche connecting me to the this queer community. I was becoming a part of.

Fast forward at least 20 years. Words like genderqueer, nonbinary and ace have flourished in an ever expanding garden of sexual and gender personal affiliations. They/them pronouns are discussed on NPR and the spectrum of trans identity is in media, politics, elementary school and everywhere else. I am in medical school at 45 years old, advancing my personal and professional education in sex and gender health. I am married to an androgynous millennial and she says one night “Femme is not a gender. You have no gender identity.” I was so hurt and angry and erased. I fumbled through my 90s gender books trying to find some proof that I existed; i had no name for who I was.

I folded in on myself at that moment. I knew that I had a complex gender and I knew I existed but I didnt have the words to speak up with.

Current time, or 2020. I was in relationship with another millennial, spending time with their all-trans friend group many of who were GenZ. I am jealous that these humans were able to grow up in a less gendered era than I was and had the freedom to know at 15, or 19, that their internal understanding of their personal gender *as well as their visible identity* could be whatever they wanted it to be. I know in my heart that if I were 17, or 27 instead of 47 I would certainly identify as nonbinary. And maybe I would have pushed my visible boundaries further than I will now.

One friend in particular was classically femme-presenting and identified as nonbinary trans. I repeatedly used she pronouns , probably 50% of the time, as their image in my mind was so deeply ingrained as one pronoun. It felt terrible every time – for everyone involved. I changed to using they/them pronouns for everyone for about 6 weeks until I got used to it as a habit in my mouth and brain. Uncoupling the phenotypical appearance of face/hair/clothing presentation from associated pronouns was very hard work for me. I could not figure out why I was struggling so much: How could i not get this right? What Was Wrong With Me. (spoiler alert: I was struggling with my own gender identity and associated femme biases.)

I wish this friend group and I had been able to have safe gender discussions. I wanted to learn from their growing up experiences as they were obviously very different than mine. I was in a deep struggle with myself as an older AFAB person allowing myself to invoke a nonbinary truth while still presenting as the lesbian femme I have always been. Eventually the words slid into place: I finally had language for a gender that fit my folded up erased insides. I harmed this friend by not seeing their gender in the same way I was unseen. I perpetrated that bias. I am truly sorry for that.

I dont consider myself trans. Cis does not fit comfortably either. For me, nonbinary means that – actually off the binary. That includes cis and trans, masculine and feminine, as well as good/bad, right/wrong, in/out, victim/perpetrator, love/hate. Unpacking the binary has been an enormous relief on multiple levels. I have a gender euphoria at deeply knowing that I am more than people assume I am from my face. I also still struggle with the words and explanations around what gives me the right to feel like I have a different gender than, for example, my also pierced and tattooed, also radical, also queer femme friends that dont identify as nonbinary.

I have had an image of gender as a 3D nebula with us all bouncing around inside moving through our beautiful multifaceted lives as our original and authentic selves. A few people stick to one pole or another; most of us are all over and in between at any one time. I am grateful for evolving language that imperfectly and accurately outlines a frame for my complex gender despite how you may read my face, my clothes/hair and my genitals. I still feel pretty unsure of the language and philosophy to discuss this evolution though. I have no critical theory or objective framework to reference when it comes to being a nonbinary femme or themme.

I welcome communication from nonbinary femmes out there of any age. Lets have coffee and talk (missmasina@gmail.com).

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Nutrition, Herbal Medicine, Homeopathy

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Naturopathic medicine is not a single kind of healing, but is an array of healing practices. I think of Naturopathic Medicine as a wheel, and what we do as the different spokes that make up the whole. These “spokes” are called modalities, and include acupuncture, counseling, herbal medicine, functional medicine, homeopathy, massage, minor surgery, nutrition and in some states/provinces, prescription medications and/or IV therapies. Naturopathic Medicine is diverse – each doctor chooses what areas to focus on.  Many N.D.’s choose one specific modality, like acupuncture, functional medicine, or homeopathy. Others, like myself, are eclectic and utilize many of the modalities, depending on the individual case.

Acupuncture, counseling and massage are not as applicable for self care; however, nutrition, herbal medicine, and homeopathy are very important ways that people can take care of themselves. There is only so much help that Dr. Google can offer. If general information basics are not resolving the issue, or you have complex health concerns with multiple medications involved, having a licensed ND assist you in recovery is going to be the most effective and safest utilization of natural medicines.

NUTRITION is the philosophy of using food as medicine. Nutrition can be used therapeutically to treat specific conditions – such as eating beets and dandelion leaves for liver cleansing, or cabbage juice for ulcers. The foods that we eat in 2013 are very different from what our grandparents were eating. The soils are stripped of minerals (or toxic like on Munjoy Hill, ) many foods are genetically modified, and the preparation and processing of foods radically alters nutritional values. Supplementation is generally included with nutrition as it is often necessary, given today’s food choices, to supplement some nutrients that are no longer found in food.

HERBAL MEDICINE is an excellent way to treat the whole family. In theory, it is similar to using pharmaceuticals – specific components within each herb cause specific actions in the mind, body and spirit. Herbs can have a powerful action or a gentle action. Generally, the best herbs for self care are simple, common and safe for everyone in the family. If there are any specific contraindications such as interactions with medication, I would be sure to mention those.  The general dose for herbal medicine for an adult is 1 teaspoon of tincture (alcohol extract) in a small amount of water, 3 times a day. Teas are drank hot 2-3 times a day or as needed. Children’s dosage can be determined as follows:

Patients weight in lb divided by 150 = percent of dose

ie) 70 lb child / 150 = 0.46 so child gets slightly less that ½ adult dose.

If is 1 tsp 3 x a day for adult, give ½ tsp 3 times a day to child.

Herbs are generally best taken on an empty stomach, to maximize absorption.

HOMEOPATHY is a very complex system of medicine that gently supports the body’s ability to heal itself through the use of “remedies” and the philosophy that “like treats (or cures) like.”  The specific remedy chosen is one, which, if given to a healthy person, would elicit the very symptoms of an illness. Therefore, the remedy is known to cure that illness. Homeopathic treatment can be a profound journey of self-discovery as old wounds are healed and our true potential is illuminated. Explaining the mechanism of homeopathic medicine is difficult as it operates on the quantum level rather than the commonly understood Newtonian mechanism of action.  Symptoms are seen as effective reflections of compensation on the  mental, physical, and emotional levels. For example, when a warning light comes on in your car,  we investigate what was wrong with the engine, not just disconnect the light! Seen as warning lights, symptoms are the body’s way of showing the outside world that something is wrong or not working properly. The constellation of symptoms points the Homeopathic Doctor to understand the bigger picture overall, and which remedy is indicated to effectively treat the underlying condition. A Naturopath practicing Homeopathy gives a homeopathic remedy to stimulate the body’s defense systems to complete the healing process. This is the concept of the vital force: the body is always trying to move towards health.  This medicine is an extremely safe and effective method of eliminating disease.

 

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